Tuesday, May 29, 2012

If you Give a Child a Diaper.....

If you give your children some directions like "get dressed and clean your room", chances are they won't want to comply.

If you tell your children they have to stay in their rooms until they are finished with getting dressed and cleaning, chances are if you can't see them they will find something more exciting to occupy their time.

If there is a garbage can in their room filled with garbage, chances are they will find the stinkiest, grossest, piece and find a fun use for it.

If there is a very very wet disposable diaper in the garbage, chances are that that is the piece of garbage they will choose because it is smelly, was on someones bottom - (giggle, giggle), and filled with pee - (giggle giggle).

If they take that disposable diaper out of the trash, chances are they will throw it at each other!

If they throw it at each other, chances are it will burst open and the little pee filled gel substance will begin to fly around the room!

If that gel substance flies around the room hitting them, the walls, the shelves, the stuffed animals, the toys, the bed, the floor, chances are they will squeal with laughter!

If they squeal with laughter, chances are you will hear them and know that something isn't right, but they aren't fighting and screaming so chances are you will let them laugh and play so you can get done what you are working on.

If you finish up what you are doing and don't look to check on them, chances are the carpet will become saturated with pee, the walls will have gel running down them, and little tiny pee filled balls will be on everything because they will have stomped the diaper on the floor, hit it against the door and wall, and swung it over their heads!

If the children see what they have done, chances are they will begin to panic!

If they begin to panic, chances are one will run to you and tattle on the other.

If one tattles on the other, chances are you will go upstairs to see the damage.

If you go to see the damage, chances are you will be speechless! (choice words will come to mind, but you are so overwhelmed nothing will come out!)

If you are speechless, chances are the pressure will build until you can only see red.

If you can only see red, chances are you will banish the children to a separate room and shut the door.  You would think you would see the enormity of the mess while seeing red, but it only enhances it!

If you send the children to a room, chances are you will now spend the next two hours cleaning while they beg to leave the room.

If you clean the room, chances are you will begin to wonder how you will explain smelling like pee and being 3 hours later then you planned.

If you begin to wonder about smelling like pee, you will have to clean your vacuum cleaner because it now smells like pee after sucking up all of the gel pieces, take a shower to clean yourself, and  steam clean the carpets to get rid of the smell. 

If you do all of that to clean everything, you will wonder why your children hate you so much that they would do such a thing to create so much work for you and chances are you will hear them laugh and know it isn't that they hate you, they just act before they think!  (lucky you)

**and no I did not take pictures!  When you see red, picture taking is the last thing on your mind!!!

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