Beach Day - Puke in my Mouth!

Over the weekend we went to the beach.  This is a beach I have frequented since I was knee high to a grasshopper, but I see it with much different eyes now!  I am not even going to apologize if I offend anyone because if you think I am talking about you - you have a problem!

These are my observations of the patrons of the beach:

Before you go please be sure to shave!  Seriously, women need to check if they have sprouted anything in any location since the last time they went to the beach.  (or they saw sunlight) It is not that difficult!  If you are a man, there is nothing wrong with Nairing your back!  Why in the world you would want to have that jungle following you around I have no idea!

Please wear a suit that fits!  How difficult is it to tell if you are falling out of your suit?  Really?  You don't know that your boob is hanging out or that your trunks are past your bum?  It does not make you look sexier by squeezing into something two sizes too small!

Wear sunscreen!  You all know the dangers of the sun, but honestly do you really want to be in pain?  So what if burn turns into tan?  It also turns into peeling after being painful and you not being able to move!

If you can't see over your own belly or can not find your straps in your rolls you should reconsider putting on that speedo or bikini!  Enough said!

On second thought - Just leave the speedo at home for "private parties"! (and no I don't want to be invited!)

Do you really have to smoke and flick your ashes in the sand my kids are using to build a castle?  Show some respect for those around you and go smoke somewhere else!

 This is a little too late for some of you, but your entire body covered in tattoos may have looked hot when you were 20 and ripped, but when you are older and are chasing kids around and have a beer belly it just looks sad!

Keep your jewelry at home.  You are at a sandy beach for crying out loud!  You will get sandy and wet!  You don't need that bling!
Along the same lines - don't bring your make-up to the beach!  It will just melt right off and smudge!  Wait until you are done being by the sand and surf before you reapply!

There you have it!  Some of the many observations I made while at the beach with my family!  Although I didn't take all of these fabulous photos, I did witness these infringements at our home town  beach!  And I do have to admit they made me feel really good about myself and boosted my own self esteem!

Just promise me if I ever dare to join one of these groups you kick me in the head! point out my not so perfect choice before I head to the beach!


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